Fear is the Path to the Darkside

     Many people don't know this, but if it ticks, lights up, possesses buttons, or requires a power supply it probably interest me. I can spend hours researching the latest and greatest gadgets wishing I owned them. In a way, the deep passion I used to have years ago with possessing the illest and rarest sneakers is comparable. For example, when I came home today I thought about how an MMO called Star Wars the Old Republic will be coming out this upcoming spring. I'm a huge star wars fan, in part, thanks to my older brother Ron who has read practically every star wars novel and can name all but 3 characters on a Top 300 Star Wars character list. So with the release of this game, it'll give us a chance to team up and relish in Star Wars lore. Well to play, you've got to have a gaming computer or at least a decent computer with gaming components. However, I think about everything in groups. When I think about school I think about all the objectives, assignments, long and short term goals that entails. When I think about skating I think about my board, my trucks, the sneakers I need to ollie higher, the spot I want to check out and all the homies I want to tag along with me. So when I think about computers, I think about a badass desktop that has the dopest components,  a sickass ultra-mobile laptop thats so powerful it could cure cancer, and all the cables, accessories, wires, and amenities that integrate it all together. That's fun to me.

     So when I sold my Alienware M11x laptop a few months ago because a newer version of it was being released, it felt like a part of my "set-up" vanished right before my eyes. Desktops are cool, ipods are awesome, Evo4g's are the shit, but if you don't have a laptop you don't have any versatility in your life. Especially when you use your laptop on a daily basis. Well today I couldn't take it anymore. Despite the ill-advisement of my older brother who suggested I wait until January when several new models will be released. I went ahead and found another M11x for an awesome price and copped it. Its powerful, upgradeable, has terrific battery life, and ultra-mobile. Feels like the balls back in my court again. The sweet part is that I got such a good deal on it I can still afford to upgrade to something else in a few months if I choose to. Now I'm just focused on finding inexpensive components to upgrade it. Like upping the harddrive from a regular sata 5400rpm drive to a solid state drive which increases its speeds of doing everything 11 fold.

Clairvoyance

The pressure of making this post stand under the weight of its title may be difficult. I mean I might as well have entitled this "Inception" at least then I could take a  Christopher Nolan approach  and just keep going deeper and deeper until my readers reach the fourth level down and don't know which way is up. Don't worry my resolve to create an experience that intricate is far from adequate. So on to the matter at hand, something significant occurred today. The approach I've taken to organic chemistry this semester has been "face first" for lack of a better term. I think that does a decent job of showing how vividly I've committed to doing well in this course. Well my regular class routine of sitting in the front, powerpoint notes in one hand while scribbling down anything the professor utters in the other, all came to a crossroads today. As class concluded and I was finalizing my homework answers before submitting it, someone asked me about one problem then another and another until I realized they had no idea how to do any of the homework. I ended up explaining the content of the entire assignment in a small 20 min lecture composed of this individual and about 4 other individuals that had their own questions. Amidst rambling off  why an alkene that undergoes hydrogenation always adds two hydrogens via syn addition, I underwent what most literary scholars call a catharsis. Something inside me changed. A moment of clairvoyance you could say. I realized that all the discipline I've instilled in myself to immerse myself and understand this course thus far has enabled me to help others which is something I really enjoy doing, but have never really experienced in the capacity of mentoring or teaching. It was rewarding. It kind of felt natural almost like I needed to nurture that feeling further and cultivate it into something more. So I suppose my perspective is continuing to evolve in light of todays events. Also feels like now I don't have a choice in understanding these concepts anymore because people are depending on me to explain it to them.   :-)

Pumpkin Palooza!!! (i spent 20min thinkin of a better title...this won)

After leaving my apartment last week and noticing my neighbor's horrifically dull pumpkin sitting outside their front door in light of Halloween, I felt motivated to remedy my building's lack of pumpkin prowess with my sudden determination to carve a quality jack-o-lantern. So this past weekend my friend Kim came over and helped me with this project. Man we had a "Spook-tacular" blast doing it!!!!! (You guys can take spook-tacular.....i don't mind.) I drew inspiration from the film Nightmare Before Christmas....

Of course I had to sketch it out first.....what you thought we was playing???!!! 

This part was kinda hard actually....

 Larry the Local Lamented Lantern's lookin mean!!!!

 Pop that Pumpkin!!!!!

 Ughhhh!!! Felt like I was on a Halloween episode of CSI.......can you say Autopsy??!!

 I'm all up in that thang!!!!! No games!!! lol Ya kno this is really a metaphor for life.....sometimes you gotta just dive right into it.

Oh yea! Call me the pumpkin carving carpenter!!! (That actually sounds kinda lame.)

 Finished product!!!!!

 Kim attempting to take credit in light of the overwhelming moral support she provided (which doesn't equate to much).

Larry the Local Lamented Lantern Lives!!!!

Perspective Moving Forward

Perspective seems to shape, sculpt, and mold us. It extinguishes prejudices, creates new ones, gives us insight, and allows us to re-evaluate who we are. I tend to fall into these stents of tunnel vision where my goals and interests are all still in front of me but I allow myself to forget everything that is around me or cease to continue looking for new things around me. Things as simple as going to the grocery store to purchase food, but seeing pumpkins for sale and deciding to buy one or catching up on what a friend's been up to on their blog are all simple reminders that any everything you lay out in front of you is subject to change and evolve as your perspective changes and evolves.
Just this past week I applied to a few part-time positions because along with needing extra cash, as I near completion of my pharmacy school applications I could really use the experience to list on them. So the first place I applied to was CVS Pharmacy as a pharmacy technician. They literally called me back 2 days later and offered me a position as a cashier not a technician. Eager to begin earning a paycheck, I told them I was interested. As soon as I hung up I thought to myself how this was nowhere near what I wanted to do and actually be fulfilled from it. Perspective has taught me that never settling is the only way to truly climb in life. So I immediately began searching for other opportunities. In the span of three hours, I ended up applying to a over 17 pharmacy technician and research scientist positions at Duke and UNC hospitals. Hopefully I'll hear from one of them soon.
Perspective can make you question if the path you're on is the right one. I've always wanted to travel. Not because it'd simply be fun to do, but because my curiosity has always left me with the sense that there's so much more to life than whats in front of me and the only way to benefit from that notion is to experience everything that isn't in front of me.

.......if you thought it was a game.....

Fat and Fur Are Only Skin Deep

     All last week I had the interesting experience of watching my brother's obesity stricken english bull dog Yollie while he enjoyed his honeymoon in Aruba with his lovely wife. Its now been almost a week and I think I miss the bitch. She didn't really do too much, but then again neither did I. We were perfect for each other is what I'm trying to say. Sure she had a terrible snoring problem, the worse gas, and a short attention span, but every afternoon I came home she was waiting for my arrival. And that's all it takes some times. Its crazy because the week began as a basic getting to know each other, ice-breaking type of deal. Then it evolved into a functional relationship when she realized I was putting food-on-the-table. Before last week I thought Yollie was a charmingly obese dog. She quickly changed that opinion with her overwhelming will and surprising stamina. On all our walks she wanted to run, when I got home from classes she wanted to play outside, when we went up my stairs she sprinted each and every time. She's quite frankly the healthiest overweight creature I've ever come across. Yollie, you'll be missed.

The Hopeless Procrastinator (from Thursday)

    So anyone who knows me is well aware I'm a hopeless procrastinator. I've taken steps to overturn this trait, but it always manages to find its way back into my life. Prime example, I definitely came back to school this semester with an immoveable determination to be on top of everything. I installed a whiteboard in my room to constantly stay on top of my things to do, I posted all my course syllabi and due dates to ensure my success, I even put up a note to myself  that simply reads " Remember why you're here!" in BLACK BOLD letters. Now to some degree that all culminated into the success I had on my first test earlier this week. A 96.25 on Test One. As soon as I saw that , in my mind, I won. I was good, mission complete, I'm done for the day, time to go home and take a nap. In the process of this complacncy, I completely disragarded the fact that I had a presentation due in my biomanufacturing class today (Thursday). Would've done it last night but why do something then when I had until 4pm today. So I get to campus at 11:30am to  realize there's no parking ANYWHERE. I ended up parking on some back street that made me feel more like a student at Green Oaks Elementary than NC Central University as the only thing around me was a bus parking lot, woods, and no evidence of my campus. I ended up getting to my research lab around 12pm. I knew my presentation wouldn't take long, I allocated an hour as a suffice enough time to get it all done. Before long, everything changed, I was struggling terribly. It was 10min before the start of class when I was finally done. Literally, the toughest 9 slides I've ever had the displeasure of doing. I finally get to my class to present and realize it isn't due until tomorrow night by email. So all that perfecting and detailing I did to present in front of my peers was for nothing because I waited until the last minute. Shame on me.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day(s)

*longest sigh of my life*

followed by.....

*an even deeper exhale*

this week.

    man oh man. when ol' folks talk about life having highs and lows who knew this was what they meant. So this past Monday was a wonderful day. Woke up early, got to my classes on time, did a lil research here.....relaxed around the apartment there. A leisure filled-productive sort of day if you will. Tuesday and Wednesday, quite similar. Wonderful starts to my day. Even got my first test results back from an exam I took last week.....96 out of 100. Just a wholesome start to my week. .....that is until Wednesday became Thursday. A general combination of events from then to this morning have left me in a weakened state of both  emotions and patience. Thursday started out like the previous few days until I received word the area I as parked  in was at risk of being ticketed if my car didn't have a student parking decal. I halted the experiment I was in the middle of, left the lab, proceeded to my car and after a 25 minute campaign of exploring potential parking spaces finally found a spot virtually off the grid. I mean like 10-15 minute walk back to campus kind of situation. I returned to the lab and finished up. In an hours time I was back at my parking space ready to leave and my car was gone. I was certain it'd been stolen. No way it was towed. I walked wayyyyy across campus to the police department to see if it was towed and sure enough it was. The ordeal of getting my car back cost me about $90 and 2 1/2 hours of my evening from orchestrating how to get my car back.
    Oh well....life goes on. Or does it? The next day same typical start to my day. Headed to class then to the research lab. Parked in a different space from the previous day, but one I felt confident the car would be secure. After leaving the lab I headed to the car and realized it was gone. Called campus police and verified it was towed again. After speaking with an officer, apparently, the chancellor issued a new rule this past week that any car on campus that doesn't purchase a $300 dollar parking permit for the semester and decides to park in any campus parking space is to be towed. By this point I was angry, pissed, upset, broken, and more adjectives that describe someone who feels as though they can't win in life. Between talking with the ill-tempered police officer about where my car was towed, to asking my mom to help me get it out, to calling my friend for a ride getting there, to dealing with the shady ass tow truck guys who don't believe in receipts, it was all-in-all a horrific experience I still frown upon.

I Need This In My Life Pt 2

I've been rockin this same 25th anniversary Stussy G-Shock for wayyy too long. It doesn't even work properly anymore. I think it gave up on me before I gave up on it. Well I think I found a good enough reason to part ways with it. Well four to be exact. Just came across these Nixon watches from its Gunship Collection it recently released. I need this in my life part 2 I suppose.

2 Week Gaps Only Mean I Couldn't Come Up for Air

So over the course of the last two weeks I've seriously neglected my blog. I attribute it to a combination of things. This ranges from classwork to preparing my brother's wedding reception gifts to the actual wedding itself to more classwork and finally having the "privilege" of watching his dog this week while he's on his honeymoon in Aruba. The mortar for all these distractions is a general adoption of complacency these past few weeks when it comes to any of my personal endeavors. Not to say there aren't several things I would like to discuss, but moreso that I just haven't had the conviction to mentally explore it all and express it on my blog. Well lets start with this post as the introduction as it seems its right on pace with such a role. I'll just submit posts summing it all up as I usually do in lieu of explanations like I'm doing right now.

I Need This In My Life

Poker Face

If you saw my post from a few days ago recapping my week you'd notice I had a terrible experience playing poker. Well after a few sleepless nights and countless breaks in-between classes playing online poker on my phone, I finally decided it was time to make another attempt at stifling my misfortune!!! I've come to realize that in poker, well any game really, your success is usually a reflection of your mindset. If your emotions sway too far one direction you lose your focus.  Well my focus was on CHIPs! And getting as many of them as possible. While at the same time, maintain a calm, conservative demeanor. Man they were all hating it too! I ended up coming from the brink of losing it all to rising above adversity and overcoming my inner turmoil to win it all!!!! Now if only we were playing for money! I even got a pic of how bad things got.......for everyone else!!! muwhahahaaa!!!!! Yea bruh that was my pot! I was hurtin feelins!!!

End of the Summer Mixtape To Groove To: You're Welcome.

I should've posted this mixtape a while ago. I've been listening to this all summer and it hasn't lost steam 3 months in. With that said I strongly recommend you give this thing a listen. Kero One is one of the illest asian producers/djs on the west coast. I particularly like his mixes and jazz beats not a huge fan of his rapping.....just too much Mase in his voice for me. Download his mixtape and enjoy what I've been enjoying for a while now. Pay particular attention to I like it by grand puba, I like it by Odarama Dreams, Ritmo Bossa Nova, and Kalas in that exact order if it doesn't show up that way when you download it.

Why Am I NOT A Fighter Pilot??!!!

    Since the tender age of 6 if it could fly, shoot, or blow-up I've had a dangerous fascination with it. My toy collection consist of only the most legitimate of heros and villains. Ranging from Optimus Prime to Luke Skywalker's X-Wing to the entire Batman Batcave playset complete with the Bat Wing and Batmobile. When my brother and I played with our action figures it looked more like a re-enactment of a galactic civil war than your standard "pew-pew-bang-you're-dead" type scenario just to give you a scope of how real shit got. The type of tv shows we watched made us realize our destined careers early in life. I absolutely knew I was going to be a fighter pilot in some futuristic tricked out jet that could transform into some ridiculously badass mobile suit that would ultimately save the planet. As a 22yr old with real problems, those aspirations have become pipe dreams. However, after checking out this post at Engadget displaying the helmet for a new fighter jet the British are working on, maybe I should re-evaluate my career choice and go save the world. This shit is too cool. It actually enables you see in-flight target and mission information in any direction you look in based on  the hi-def infrared/night-vision capable camera system mounted all around the plane.

Week Recap: D.C., Skating, Food, Friends, Fish & Chicks

So one might refer to the 7 day leave I've taken from posting as a hiatus, a self-induced break, a big ass side step, or even as negligence to the sheer gravity my absence has had on the lives of millions. In all honesty, I could care less about you guy's expectations. Well carelessness is a little drastic. I retract that and will replace it with having nominal concern for my readers' expectations. Further explanation requestees (yes its a word...Dr. Seuss created it in '79) may refer to "The Vision" section of my blog. It politely states my inability to empathize with the readers of The Weapons Crate.

    In the interest of explaining myself without alluding to any excuses or explanations to satisfy you people, allow me to begin with this: "I Built It Ground Up." This embodies the constant struggle I've gone through since birth. Growing up in the mean suburbia of Farmwood (F-Dub) not only accelerated my growth rate out of necessity to survive, it made me realize I was destined for more. This past week has begun to prove that.

    This week marked the beginning of the end. It was my first step to move forward since graduating from undergrad in May. Last Monday was day 1 of the rest of my life. My outlook on coming back to school for my own personal reasons as opposed to my parents motivating me has changed my perspective on things immensely. I now know my goals and what it takes to reach them. My approach to sitting down in familiar classrooms hearing the same format of teaching feels completely new in my ability to comprehend and appreciate it because my motivation has evolved to where I now constantly think to myself, "Ryan remember why you're here."

    Aside from just the classes and research I began this week, I had the pleasure of spending time with my friend before she left for Venezuela to do a semester abroad. She's documenting the entire trip on her blog "The art of disenchanting." Squeezing in some of the things we ended up doing were really atypical for it to be the first two days of the semester. Like going out to eat two nights in a row isn't my normal routine, but I enjoyed it. Besides I don't think I'd ever have injested that much Indian food in one sitting if she wasn't present. That food was so hot, my chest (yes my lungs) felt a stifling frigid sensation that heated my chested at an alarming rate like the vapors from the food in my stomach got to my lungs. It felt like someone was turning the thermostat to and fro as if there was frightening frigidity throughout my body. Drinkin only made the heat worse. At that point I decided to box up my food and proceed to the exit of the establishment.

    The next evening we checked out Nantucket Grill where I had this grilled salmon that tasted like Poseidon caught it on his day off and had it shipped to Durham for my consumption. Wednesday and

Thursday were all a blur lol. All i remember is spending a lot of time in-doors. Friday was particularly interesting. Not only did I learn a lot in class that morning, that afternoon I got to hang out with my friend who wanted to skate since last semester so she and I headed to this spot  a parking deck in downtown Durham. Before we went on to skate we made a pitstop by the tennis court and hit a few balls back and forth. I took one to the face but luckily my hater blockin shades softened the impact. I was madd frustrated when we started skating b/c I couldn't land anything :-( Due to fatigue and a need to lift my spirits we left the spot and grabbed some food at this spot she showed me called Cosmic Cantina where I had a chicken Chimichanga!!!! Taste as incredible as the name sounds. The next morning (saturday) I woke up at  4am and drove to D.C., picked up my brother, and bought him back to N.C.. The traffic back to N.C. was about as difficult as Frodo Baggins carrying the ring. Traffic was so bad I considered being airlifted to my summer home in Vermont. Once I finally made it back home, I played my first real poker game and lost miserably with some friends while my homegirl Kim watched in amusement. By the time it was over I was out of $5 and ready to fight my roommate who beat everyone, but I talked myself out of it b/c I'm very powerful. I wouldn't want any hiccups on my part if something were to happen and sever someone's limb from outta nowhere. But anyway I hate poker now is what I'm saying. Since then I've just chilled and focused on work. Oh yea and this morning I woke up with a cold guess that makes my post sick!!!!! :-) or not depending on your sense of humor lol

Here's some pics of my adventures.

Letting Go

When you move past something it isn't always easy to keep yourself from getting sucked back in. Its seems that way for me at least. Moving "on to the next one" is a metaphor for leaving one experience and allowing yourself to embrace a new one. This plan of action can resemble progress, forward momentum, a seemingly baggage-free mindset until something happens that triggers a response. A response that invokes every thought, feeling, and vulnerability you thought you conquered. It can be something as simple as a text message from an old friend, a facebook message from an ex-gf you thought you'd stopped thinking about, or even a phone call from someone you were close to briefly just checkin on you. I think the root of it all is two things. For one, you can't give people your power. If you step backwards when you've committed yourself to moving forward you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable, irrational, and emotionally invested. If someone I no longer consider relevant hits me up to talk, I need to treat them as though they're interrupting my life, figure out what they want, and get back to living my life. If I don't learn to do that I won't be able to let go of people. I'm at the point now where I feel like I just need to send out a mass message to these guys, "I think it'd be best if you no longer called or texted me." That might sound harsh. But thats okay. Harsh isn't always bad. It gets a point across and in most cases its done in the interest of the greater good.....which would be my happiness in my case. The other obvious reason behind all this is the fact that as the hip young adult I am (yes hip), I'm wayyy to interconnected with everyone. I've had the same phone number since ninth grade, the same facebook page of friends since 2006, and my cell phone has contacts in it from middle school. Thats ridiculous. I could do an entirely new post on just this topic alone, but simply put I just need to take inventory of every aspect of my life and trim the fat.

Diversifying the Portfolio

In a society of followers, why pick now to change trends? So in this instance I'm entirely placing the blame for me starting another blog @ Tumblr on the culprit in my last post. Thank you madaam....my free time has now been even further allocated to internet tom-foolery. Hey, but at least I gotta badass URL out the deal!!!! So check me out at (You ready for it?): TheRealisBack.tumblr.com

"Bobbyism"

Finally got a chance to check out a friend of mine's blog on Tumblr. My take on it? I've got a new reason to wake up in the morning.

Complacency Begets Derailment

Yesterday marked the beginning of a new chapter. In the last 90 days I've transitioned from struggling senior to college graduate to summer enthusiast to a special grad student with unprecedented focus. Well the unprecedented focus is the track I'm attempting to stay on. Warm weather and an 11:1 ratio are working against me. I've already had to remind myself what the goal was, what the end result is, how the end justifies the means on multiple occassions and its just the second day. Well what is the end result? The end result in my mind as of right now is to be accepted into a pharmacy school so I can ultimately have the financial means to support my family and live happily ever after. The means? As of this semester, take anatomy II, org. chem I, physics II, biomanufacturing, and psychology get an A in each of them as a Graduate student here and conquer the PCAT exam this semester thereby fulfilling the remaining prerequisites I need to apply and be accepted to pharmacy school. It all starts with the focus I had yesterday not dwindling or wavering. I will have to literally enclose myself in this one idea, this one concept from this point until its fruition. #Inception Nothing else can matter.

The Cat's Out the Bag

Okay so I've been racking my brain trying to think of a good excuse to include this song in one of my posts. Initially, I thought talking about something empowering would do the trick, but this track requires no support from any anecdotes about coolness or what it means to be badass. This song in and of itself embodies the mindset I have everytime I leave my apartment to start the day. First time I heard it, I was very much so frightened by the unsuspecting "start" to the melody followed by an immediate expression on my face that can only be described as "WTF just happened...AND..why is this the illest song I've ever heard in my life...AND...its only :17 sec into it?!!!". Thats enough of an introduction. Just give it a listen already (and be sure to turn the volume up lol). Ratatat's the illest!!!!!!! Enjoy!!

"Wildcat" by Ratatat
Download

Cultural Capitalism/Is Charity Even A Solution?

 A friend of mine shared this video with me today. Its pretty dope. It talks about how the world has taken on a trend of Cultural Capitalism. It touches on how businesses capitalize on you buying into their way of thinking as opposed to just whatever product they're selling. It also hits on how charity isn't a solution for the poor. It perpetuates poverty as opposed to solving it. Check out the video its worth a listen and it looks pretty cool. Thanks Janae for the enlightenment.

The Weapons Crate 2.0!!!!!!!!!

Currently Listening to:
"Kennedy" by Ratatat
 Download
True inspiration can't be faked. Unless you perform inception of course. (My day's actually been quite uninspiring until I got an e-mail from a friend of mine displaying some header designs I casually voiced concept ideas for maybe 12 hours ago. This guy is an artist in true raw form. Thank you sir for breathing new life into this blog. These were exactly what I was looking for. Check out the other amazing things he's created and is currently in the process of bringing to life such as his up & and coming clothing line Baked Goods on his blog "Ez Bake". These are his header designs he threw at me:

Thanks Ezra keep up the amazing work you guys are doing over @ Baked Goods.

Caught Up In The Music

"The Last Time" by Gnarls Barkley
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Whats the deal with music? I can listen to a song and become unaware of everything around me. I'm listening to The Last Time by Gnarls Barkley and I'm almost positive I'm having a better time than any of you right now. If you thought Gnarls Barkley was a game I recommend you walk to the nearest corner in your vicinity and just sit there for being so foolish. Cee-Lo's voice should've been on my last post about things difficult to describe. If Bootsy Collins got abducted and was dropped on the Predator home world, teamed up with John the Baptist to fight his way off, and somehow made his way back to Earth by commandeering Pegasus who flew him to Quincy Jones' grotto for vocal coaching you'd have Cee-Lo Green. Thats about as accurate as I can describe it.

"Sing It Back" by Moloko
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Switching to Moloko's "Sing it Back". I'ma tell ya somethin. If you think this track's lame. I have about as much respect for you as the ongoings in the gulf. If I ever came across a karoake bar that had this song in its playlist not only would I perform it, I'd set up a make-shift sound booth to record myself performing it and release it on iTunes as the live version of the song. That may sound somewhat radical, but doesn't everyone react radically when they hear that one song they could never let go? I've heard grown men ask me to "give them a minute" when they heard Michael Jackson's "Human Nature" begin to play. That's a good song for karoake too if you're down with the whole spotlight solo thing.

"The Way She Dances" by N*E*R*D
.Download
Let's end it out with N*E*R*D. Oh those N*E*R*Ds just sitting around getting money like no one's business. For good reason though, they're the only group that'll have both black and white girls on stage disgracing themselves in harmony. I remember I went to their show in Atlanta for the Glow in the Dark tour (amazing concert btw)and they literally had what seemed to be the cast of the Bad Girls club on stage. They're equal opportunity recruiters is what I'm saying. The diversity on stage was a simple reminder of "Yes We Can" in my mind. This song I chose of theirs is without a doubt the cause of me replacing Pharrell as the lead if the group got a chance to hear me perform it. Ask anyone. My vocal ability.....songbird of my generation. My stage presence.....BIG PUN -ish. My 8-Counts??!!! I only require 7.

I'm Having Trouble Describing What I'm Seeing.

Kevin Hart Preparing for a Commercial or Minstrel Show of Some Kind


"Dinner For Schmucks" Scene with Atypical Mistresses in Background


XXXO by M.I.A. .....I've always had trouble deciphering the content of her videos so I won't even attempt to tackle this one


"Power" by Kanye West.....the name is about all I can tell you besides the location of this video being on some plane of existence between Narnia and Heaven


From what I can make out, Shaq fighting Shane Mosley for some Odd Reason


8/13/10 UPDATE:
This was brought to my my attention yesterday evening by a friend of mine. I thought it'd be appropriate for this post because despite the in-depth description and premise she gave me for it, I was still completely incapable of explaining what I was seeing. Maybe you all will have more success than I did. This is "Civilization" by Marco Brambilla. Its a video installation he did for the elevators in Standard Hotel in NYC. It depicts the journey from hell to heaven and vice versa depending on which direction you're riding in the elevator. His work can also be seen in Kanye West's "Power" video.

Attic Inception: Third Level Down

I come from a family of seven (used to be 8 when I counted my dog jock, but he disappeared around the time I turned 10yrs old). Our household was designed to function around that number. When one individual is missing the workload of everyone else increases exponentially. Now imagine if only one of those seven individuals were present. In some circles you could say there's been 3 of us here, but my parents love to assume an overseeing role while I act as their field hand. This has been the setup in my household for the entire summer and its never more apparent than when I wake up in the morning.

Every morning I wake up its a new experience. Not as in I've acquired a new outlook on life or enlightenment visited me in a dream. More like "RYAN!!!! RYAN!!! THAT GRASS NEEDS CUTTIN!!" or "RYAN!!! RYAN!!! WHERE'S THE TV REMOTE??!! I CAN NEVER FIND MY TV REMOTES WHEN YALL SHOW BACK UP!!!". While in the back of my head I'm thinking I literally just got in town. What business do I have watching your tv in your room and then placing the remote in a secure location until I decide to use it again. Yesterday morning I woke up to two words, "COME ON" as my father marched up stairs to the attic with a broom in hand and conviction in the other. It was the most subtle yet unmistakeable command I've woken up to since high school. (Sidebar: Sometimes I can actually be alone in my bed in my apartment in Durham and think I heard my father call my name.) The only thing left to do at that moment was follow suit. I got out of bed, threw on some sweat pants and an old v-neck, and proceeded up those stairs. No breakfast, no preparation, no way out basically. When you're working in a place that hot, that dusty, and you've just woken up all you can do is immerse yourself in it. Otherwise you're doomed. With only a dust mask and the will to survive, I was surrounded by dust working to the point you would've thought I was Shia LeBouf in that movie Holes. And I didn't even see Holes, but judging from the box cover it was probably something like that.

This morning was somewhat similar, but slightly more awkward. I was in a deep sleep. I mean third level down Inception kind of sleep. The crazy part is I literally remember the dream verbatim (if that words applicable). While I was in the middle of convincing my indian economics professor why it'd be smarter for us to take a shower together in an effort to save water (she's quite attractive and big on going green), the bathroom we were standing in suddenly changed to an attic. I didn't even realize it because it was more like we appeared in it rather than transitioned into it. Like Leonardo DiCaprio said to oh girl when he was teaching her about extracting....."Think about how we got here....thats right can't do it. You're in a dream." Not only did our surroundings suddenly change from the bathroom to the attic but her attitude of cheerful compliance became angry skepticism. Midway through her monologue on refusing my offer I felt everything fade out as I heard my dad walking up the attic stairs once again. After spinning my dredle to make sure I wasn't still dreaming, my conditioning set in. I immediately got out of bed grabbed my sweat pants and whatever t-shirt was nearby, proceeded to head up the stairs and no sooner does my father come back down the stairs in some silk boxers with hearts around them saying "Wow you're up early, I was just up there checking things out. Well since you're up good you can get started while I go get ready."

I believe my father planted the idea of me cleaning the attic in my mind.

Being the only child home in a household of seven is something I wish upon no one.

Commitment vs. Complete Lack of Commitment

You don't change who you are or sacrifice your values to be with someone. I've evolved since my days of love stories with the girls I dated in high school. So much so that I literally didn't date anyone almost my entire time in college. There are several contributing factors to this, but the main one is that I care about people too much. I can care about a person to the point that their concerns are my concerns that their dreams are my dreams. I tend to get invested is what I'm trying to say. I'm giving by nature. With all this said, college is not a place that nurtures relationships, its a place that rips them apart.

A successful relationship with me has only happened when the two of us were both on the same accord before we began dating. Not Mr. and Ms. Right, just that we had a genunine friendship before dating was even considered and it just evolved into a relationship. Those are the most successful ones in my opinion. The one where the other person is practically your best friend. My downfall however, is that despite being single, I still become invested in girls. When you give more than one person your heart a piece of you ends up being everywhere. I think thats part of why guys that are truly happy have either a narrow focus on one person or a "fuck-it" attitude towards anything that moves because they're invested in that core belief. They "stand" by it as I mentioned in an earlier post. Whereas for us in the middle we walk a path of impulse. We let our feelings guide us without swaying too far to either side.

Commitment vs. Complete lack of commitment is what it can boil down to. I'm at the point now to where I no longer shy away from commitment nor do I seek it. "With so much personality what do you want from me? I could be by myself and enjoy the company." as Kanye West once said. Perhaps not as "douch-baggish" as he said it, but in part I feel this way sometimes. I'm ready to accept opportunity, but I've learned to not force it to occur, but instead allow it to appear.

A New Chapter

Graduating from college is now off my "To-Do" list. Funny thing is my B.S. in Biology feels about as significant as my high school diploma to me. Until I'm working as a pharmacist after I graduate from a pharmacy school with a professional degree to practice pharmacy and my PH.D. to teach it if I choose then everything else is irrelevant to me. My biggest fear is complacency. If I'm not taking measureable steps in a certain direction then I might as well be running in place. These last four years have been filled with so many failures, successes, dumb decisions, triumphs, distractions, and enlightenment. There are things I wish I could change based on hindsight and the wisdom I now have. In life, all we can do is learn from the things we get wrong and focus on the things we get right. You can keep that quote I don't mind.

Well what have I gotten right? Well I could come up with a list of things to make myself feel good about the answer to that question, but at the root of everything I've done to get to where I am at this moment is the fact that I've never accepted impossibility. I've never accepted the idea that I'm incapable of anything. Whether it was playing football in high school when I was only 138lbs to running track and excelling at long distance events racing against nothing but white guys with long legs to deciding to choose Biology as my major in undergrad instead of a subject that came easy to me like English or History. I always adopted this mindset of "why not?". I want to help others, I want to have a nice lifestyle for my family, I'm pursuing science because I enjoy it and its the path I chose to fulfill those things and if that path is difficult then I'll just find a way to make it work because thats what you do when you don't settle for less.

That even carries over to relationships.... (new post for that see Commitment vs. Complete Lack of Commitment)

Mr. Ordinary

Contrary to popular belief I am a 22 year old guy. (boy is inappropriate and man would assume too much (responsibility that is) (can you do parentheses inside parentheses?)). Many believe that I grew up in Indiana and that I was forced to perform at an extremely high level since the age of five with my older brothers in a band our father managed while my mother nurtured my love for mice and monkeys named bubbles, but that is untrue. I'm actually a science nerd who was bit by a radioactive spider while doing a science project.....next thing I kno I'm swinging and crawling everywhere and I don't know which way is up. That was before I joined a team of super powered young folks guided by this bald man who could read minds when I realized my body was indestructible because of its admantium skeleton. Soon after that endeavour, I did some traveling and met the girl of my dreams on this big boat. Everything was going good until we hit a block of ice, the ship broke in half, and began to sink. That put a lot of stress on our relationship. So that was short lived. That was all years ago, I just sit on my porch and chill in LA with my homeboy who smokes all the time now. Matta fact I think Friday.....or was it last Friday?.....nah Friday we almost got killed by some dude we owed money to and I had to beat this big swole dude cuz he put his hands on my girl. My lifes pretty ordinary I'd say.

I CAN'T GET THESE SONGS OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!!!!

I honestly think that internet radio had an illegitimate son with Christopher Nolan while he was contemplating the storyline of Inception. They named that son Pandora. Pandora grew to be the envy of all his friends and would ultimately be the Steve Jobs of internet radio. I thank him for my current state of obsession with these songs. Listen and enjoy. If anyone wants to download these here's the link. http://hulkshare.com/thricenice03

Heartbreaker is the worst one right now. I've probably played it 11 times in the past 2 days. :-( Maybe its just me, but I think John Legends doin the vocals on this track. Call me crazy. Couldn't get it to stream so heres the download link.
http://hulkshare.com/pqj7wyupsno9

"Ketto" by Bonobo


"Sleepyhead" by Passion Pit


"Someday" by The Strokes


"On Your Marks" by Bonobo


"Top Down" by Swizz Beatz



Can't find a place to download this one so heres the youtube link.
"Groovin" by Keto One


There's one more but I can only find it on iTunes and I don't feel like buying it just yet, but I heard the whole thing on Pandora and its the illest thing since the two-step. Its called "Blue Bossanova" by Bossanova of their album Hey, Sugar. Good luck finding it anywhere I already tried lol.

On to the Next One

......now playing "Its Over" by John Legend ft Kanye

What does it mean to find the one? Apparently it means that once you befriend someone, that friendship must evolve into a relationship, and that relationship has to be successful or anything between you and that individual will mean nothing and what you all had was meaningless. At least thats the definition the last person I dated had for it. One thing that really bothers me is when people do spiteful things to people close to them. I dated somone for three months and before that we were close friends. I could write a whole new post on just the dynamics of how heated and savage a female can get when you use the word friend at the wrong time around them when in most cases that word is simply the most convenient when you're not dating. Personally, I'd rather not even use labels until the two of us officially date to avoid that problem altogether. Going back prior to my rant, my point was that I had a lot of time, effort, energy, and feelings invested in someone as a friend and that friendship became a relationship. Now I'd be in the wrong if I didn't openly admit that us dating in the first place wasn't foolish on my part because I knew that she and I were two different people. I knew that there were certain things we both couldn't understand about each other. With that said, I entered a relationship with her based off my attraction to her and the feeling that I was missing something I couldn't see in my life and that something was in front of me I just had to be open to it and give it a chance. Three months later......after arguments that habitually never got resolved I just wasn't happy. I was tired of repeatedly explaining myself to her. I ended up breaking it off. First time I've ever had to be the one to break things off and it was difficult. I just know I've never had to try to force anything to work and I felt like thats what I was doing.....forcing "us". So first month goes by.......no interaction b/t us whatsoever. Second month goes by no conversation. (I got a text congrats on graduating). Third month we slowly begin to be cordial with one another and move forward as adults. Beginning of this month......I get a text out the blue from her (3 weeks since we last even talked)...."You talk too fuckin' much....". When I read it I immediately thought about what I could've done to make her so suddenly upset.....I mean I don't go around talkin shit about anyone cuz I'm just not that guy. I text her back, "I'm not sure what you're upset about, but I don't appreciate the way you're going about letting me know you're mad when we can just talk about it." I still care about this girl so I can't fathom why she'd be like that for no reason. So she texts me back some dumb shit about knowing who my real friends are and some other shit and I get pissed. To this day I don't care to talk to this person, hear of her whereabouts, or really just care about her in general. She simply reminded me of why I broke up with her in the first place cuz dumb random shit like that text and her general craziness from when we dated make me feel good about my decision. On to the next one. By no means is this how I approach or condemn other people but when I feel like I'm taken for granted I lose respect for that person.

The Prologue

First and foremost I'm probably one of the most sporadic writers you'll ever come across. When I"m blogging its usually some sort of narrative as dictated by whatever thoughts enter my mind at the moment and my thoughts tend to wonder on a regular basis. In part due to my sexuality being a heterosexual male but not simply in that regard. Moreso along the lines of any and every thing I have experienced has the potential to suddenly be the source of an entire chain of thoughts and ideas (Inception). Herego, "The Weapons Crate" blog, guide, buckshot of thoughts and ideas, bathroom reading material, a modern day hitchhiker's guide across the galaxy in my personal opinion.

I was going to do a post to recap everything thats happened to me worth noting in the recent past but that would be too long so I'll be breaking it up into separate parts. I'll start with just a current state of affairs. Not in a tangible sense but just some insight as to where I stand. Stand is a strong word. It infers that you whole-heartedly support something. Thats a big responsibility. So i'll amend that statement and say that I want to give insight as to the general area I'm currently standing around.

speaking of which one of my topics just called me.....i'll probably do a post in regards to them at a later date.

its so funny how long i can b.s. before focusing on a particular thing to write about....i've even got my ritual most often times i don't even notice myself doing of plugging in my ipod and whatever song i'm feeling at the moment on repeat.....at the moment its "Superheroes/Human After All/ Rock n' Roll" off Daft Punk's Alive 2007 album.

Now switching to that Kush & Orange Juice...... "Never Been" by Wiz Khalifa......sidebar: the sample is this song is from like the fifth or sixth level on Donkey Kong Country when you're swimming underwater!!!! I kno I'm not the only one that tripped when he heard it!!!! If you don't know what I'm talkin about then skip to the next few lines but everyone I bring it up to they get the awkward face like i'm crazy!!!

Ya kno what this intro has gotten outta hand.....I'm starting a new post. This can be the Prologue.

SURPRISE!!!!!.....HERE'S YOUR FINAL

I knew it was too good to be true. Over the last 48 hours I've gotten way too much done and I've been way too productive for something not to go wrong. You can't stay in academic overdrive for 2 days and not have something come up and punch you in the chest as a college student......its just too much to ask for. Since Sunday I've written a five page paper on Globalization, which took up damn near an entire day, knocked out about 15 hours worth of community service in a hard-for-no-reason 4-hour event, almost finished a Genetics paper due Thursday, and studied my ass off for a Genetics exam I took this morning only to have my feelings crushed as I was greeted with a paper that read "Final Exam" as I walked though the door in my Biopharmaceutical Seminar class. Aside from the fact that I was totally unprepared for it, my professor wasn't even there!!!! He went on some vacation!!! No e-mail!!! No nothing!!! No heads up! Nada! Yet again.....shit happens.

Financial Moves......When You're Broke

Its funny how investment experts are always preaching about "save your money", "invest your money", "start your 401k", "build some credit", "pay off those loans to stay debt free".......thats some tough advice to follow when you're a full-time college student with loans, a part-time job, and parents that are putting triplets through college. I've tried out a couple things and made a few moves to take advantage of the situation I'm in at the moment. I've actually been saving the little bit of money I've gotten from working and pretty soon I'm gonna open up an E-Trade account and invest most of it into there. I just picked up a credit card the other day to start building some credit and when I read the penalty for not paying on time, it damn near scared the fuck outta me. I just saw this regular standard interest rate number skyrocket to some ignorant amount. So the moment I got my first statement, I payed off the entire card lol. Getting involved with organizations and programs that pay you for just having a position or being an officer can be pretty lucrative as well. I've come to find that out. Creating a network of employee discounts is probably one of the smartest financial moves I've ever made. Thats the beautiful thing about college, everyone works retail making the possibilities endless! I tried that whole buy it while its hot and sell it on ebay. Did it with Nintendo's Wii. Didn't really work out for me lol. Actually ended up costing me money. So I guess the gist of this message is to find your niche for making money by creating some sort of plan for yourself and always have multiple routes of money coming your ways whether its a lot or a little.

The Weapons Crate Unveiled

I finally got around to taking a pic of the collection. I've been putting it off for a minute because its a pain taking all of them out of their boxes and then back again........it just takes up too much time. If anyone's questioning my philosophy behind having sneakers, this is my rationale:

SOME PEOPLE COLLECT ART, SOME PEOPLE COLLECT ROCKS, I COLLECT SNEAKERS. THUS THEIR VALUE TO ME MIGHT NOT BE THE EQUIVALENT OF THEIR VALUE TO YOU. AND THATS THE BEAUTY OF IT. IF A REMBRANDT COST $12 BUCKS TO PAINT, BUT PEOPLE PAY $25,000 TO HANG IT IN THEIR HOME THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE WHERE I'M COMING FROM.

EVERY NIGHT IT HAUNTS ME

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't drink shit. (Well its not quite that bad.) Those turn of events just keep playing over and over again. The other weekend "Best Buy Night" was in full effect as food, fun, and games were the main courses for the evening. I loved it, hated it, and now have nightmares about it. When I arrived I immediately took notice of the Wii Bowling tournament going on. I knew this was my chance to either respectably dominate or forever be regarded as an asshole for my uncanny skill at the game. So I opted to play it low key and just let my skills speak for me. The first round was a breeze. They stood no chance. I was chosen to move on to the finals. It was me, her, Dave (home theater), and Philip (from geek squad). At this point I stopped caring about winning because I figured it wasn't that serious, its not like I was getting a prize or so I thought and I could always come back if I wanted to. To my surprise Jesse was unnaturally talented at the game. I thought her skill was an anomaly because her form, her technique were all so simple. I couldn't comprehend it. Perhaps that was a part of her plans all along. To sneak her way to first place. So halfway through the game Travis lets us know what the prizes were. A shitty-ass 2gb Sansa mp3 player for second place and a set of outdoor Yamaha speakers to the first place winner. I wanted those speakers........bad. Immediately I began to get serious and attempt to bowl the best game of my life.........to no avale. I crumbled. Fell apart and couldn't overtake Jesse's solid bowling ability. IF ONLY I'D PLAYED SERIOUS FROM THE BEGINNING!!!!!! I've gotten past it to some degree, but there's still a feeling of "what if" when I wake some mornings, a bit of grief sets in, and then acceptance follows.

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN RYAN???!!!!

Sorry guys.....so it would seem I've been plagued with laziness with the blog. I apologize for that. I know everyone who reads these entries "thoroughly anticipates" the next one LOL. Well here's an attempt at the first of many entries to catch you guys up. So I'll begin with Spring Break.

-Spring Break was awesome! Went to D.C. with my two co-stars (my brother and sister..
thats right I'm the star of the triplets) to visit our two older brothers. We got to visit Philly
the first day we were up there which was a first for me. Visited some pretty dope stores, ate
some cheese steak and just hung out with my family. Ohhh almost forgot and apparently I
didn't show up to work for a scheduled shift while I was away that I thought I had covered
but my co-worker canceled on me without me knowing....thus getting me into trouble. Shit
happens.



This store Afficial in Philly. They had a lot of Billionaire Boys Club and Ice Cream.



Billionaire Boys Club Duffle Bag



I should've gotten that Star Trak fitted.



This was the store front of Ubiq......probably the nicest streetwear boutique I've ever been in.



My brother standing in front of the Nike Be True campaign advertisement.



Ubiq's back room



My brother's cheese steak......I'm pretty sure that shut down one of his arteries.



My brother and sister in Chinatown in D.C.



My mom was there too. She cooked for us all before the 3 of us had to head out.



Me chillin' in Georgetown

The Legend of Tammy

You know what really grinds my gears? When you're alone at work and you're swamped with customers or even worse.....when you're NOT alone at work and you're swamped with customers with no assistance from your co-worker. I work in the Media/Mp3s department at Best Buy and today I literally felt like I was looking up every movie, selling every game system, searching the album title of every artist, locking up every iPod, and explaining the advantages of every house phone all by my lonesome when there were TWO of us in the biggest department in the store. It wasn't even getting to me at first because I'm such a laid back person that I just do my job, help customers, and look for what needs to be done. That is, until I decided I wanted to take a break. Her initial reaction was "Umm do you even get a break?" and I wanted to yell out, "BITCHHH!! I'M WORKING A NINE HOUR SHIFT!" but I digressed. Then she follows up with, "Ok how about in two minutes.....let me go take a smoke right quick."
"WHAT??!!!" You're talking about taking a smoke break when you just questioned me taking a legitimate break? FUCK THAT! Before I could respond to her blatant ignorance, she ran out the door. I was awestruck by how simple this chick was. She came back two minutes later smelling like cigarettes which is a COMPLETE TURN-OFF!!! (and she took 2 smoke breaks and a 20 minute 15-minute break throughout the course of her shift) Girls who smoke AREN'T HOT! I've made a few exceptions to the ones who smoke weed LOL. So I left for my break and returned 30 minutes later to find this simple bitch laying her head on the work desk in the middle of media amongst customers complaining that her head hurt!!! I'm like if you don't feel well go to the back and chill-out. She's like, "I'm having hunger pains." "Hunger pains??" I told her she sounded homeless and that she needed to pull herself together or just go chill and get something to eat. Why'd this chick go to the vending machine, grab some animal crackers and start eating them on the sales floor!!!!!! Amongst customers!!!!!! I HAD to say somethin!!! "What're you doin TAMMY????!!!". She looked at me, paused, and ate a cracker!!!!!!! After that I decided to cut her off and pretend she wasn't there. I finished my shift and went home tired as FUCK. Why? Because I worked a nine hour shift by myself with a co-worker who might as well have been an annoying customer that never buys anything.

Sibling Comedy

My sister's hilarious.....remember that new camera I bought? The very next day she asks to borrow it to take some pictures to put on facebook. LMAO. Like she literally put together an outfit for her profile pic. LOL I mean they're dope pics but they're so staged its ridiculous. She keeps me young. :-)

Casio Glory

Here's a few Casios I'm thinking about copping I thought were pretty ill:

Batman G-Shock




Autobot G-Shock




Megatron G-Shock



Undefeated G-Shock



Stussy G-Shock